Had a big panic attack yesterday. Called W. Dunno if that was a mistake but it was good to talk to him anyway. Went round L’s house last night after she had some dreadful news, we sat drinking beer and smoking and talking. Didn’t sleep until after 4am, mixture of disturbed sleep pattern and her housemates being noisy bastards until the wee hours.

Just had a minor binge on dinner, ice cream and chocolate and am feeling massively on edge. Not been able to concentrate, struggling to make decisions about where I want to sit in the house and there’s rubbish piling up in the kitchen. I’m desperate for some company but there’s no one about. Have rung too many friends in the past couple of days, don’t want to take the piss. Just feel so wound up and lonely. I really, really want a cuddle. Done a bit of exam prep but am struggling to concentrate. I’m becoming more and more disorganised and it’s doing my box in.

I wish I had a partner again but I also know that there’s nothing they’d be able to do. It’d get claustrophobic and weird and I’d get upset, just like every other relationship I’ve made a mess of. I just really want a cuddle. I want someone to take the bin out. I don’t want to have to look after someone else though, I don’t think I can. I want company. I want my mood stabilised. I want to be ok.

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2 thoughts on “

  1. a bold perch says:

    i understand about being lonely and having bipolar. I’ve been on my own for about 3 years since my marriage went sour. Sometimes you just need a human in your house to talk to and care about. Mental illness has a way of isolating people. i’m just now starting to socialize and join some groups. Try to be as active as you can socially. I went into hiding when I was diagnosed bipolar. Don’t do that. Call your friends. Call your family. You have to be the one to reach out. I learned that the hard way. Hope your day gets better.

    • hypomanitee says:

      Thank you, friend. I’ve always been social and try to get out there as much as I can – just when I’m hypomanic nothing’s quite enough and it can be so difficult to explain. It’s hard but we’ll get there.

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