Was very bad (holding razor blade to wrist bad) and after a couple of half hearted attempts at the crisis team I rang The Samaritans. They are so good.
– am frustrated by lack of professional support
– need to get on some kind of medication
– expectations of self and mental health services may have been too high, been bitterly disappointed
– W’s expectations of me were too high
– I am dealing with a lot of SERIOUS BULLSHIT
As soon as I hang up W rang. I feel relief and sadness and love and fucked up and shaky and i fucking miss him and I’m angry and he’s a dickhead and a lot of complicated shit. He’s been reading the blog. Hi W. Thank you for calling.
Rang crisis team and asked the answer machine to sort me something soon as I am not fucking coping. They said all I can do is ring my usual place first thing tomorrow for an earlier appointment. Just got to make it through tonight.
I will make it through tonight.