Post-crisis

Had a round if extremely supportive phonecalls.

Mum approves treatment if it will help, she says she doesn’t remember my mood swings being this bad but has noticed a pattern of ups and downs. She wants me to go off on adventures but only because I want to, not because I’m in the midst of a mental crisis. Whatever I do now is ok, whether I drop out or stay on at Uni, as long as it’s what I want. And she loves me.

L offered wine and cheesecake which I gave a miss but sincerely appreciated.

E and I had a very long and deep discussion about what it is I want. She said that I often do things because others want me to and am always considering how my actions might affect other people – a strength as I’m empathic and good at what I do but leaves me a bit fucked and putting up with stuff that doesn’t really make me happy. She also said I’m one of the strongest personalities she knows and will make the world how it should be. I’m also a giraffe apparently.

What I want:
– get drivers licence back
– get a decent therapist to talk to
– to get my dissertation published
– to perform poetry in public again

Also concluded that I need to sit of more things. She felt like there was something else behind the professional and psychological.

What makes me happy:
– communication
– connecting with people
– beautiful words and expression
– tactile physical contact
– good food, exercise and a decent routine
– making people laugh
– being creative and thinking outside the box

Forgot to include music. E likes connecting people and bringing them together. She certainly did a good job on this Humpty Dumpty.

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