Didn’t go to placement today. Rang on duty this morning, very nice man who took my self harming very seriously and asked if I wanted to end my life. I don’t want to die but last night was awful, I’m not coping and am unsupported. He’s left notes for the pdoc to see if I can get a referral for psychology at the mental health place rather than through my GP, might be seen faster.

Been trembling and a bit wired and confused today. Also very sweaty which makes me think some of this is due to trazodone withdrawal – took 15 mg last night. I want this shit out of my body. Maybe I should’ve gone cold turkey and just endured the worst pill comedown of my life. I’m scared of going straight on to new drugs after only knowing a medicated manatee since I was a teenager.

Everyone is being very good to me about this. Honesty is proving to be a very good policy so far. Keeping people in the loop is really good.

When E and I were talking last night she reminded me of some of the absolutely bonkers stuff I used to do. I take less risks now, dunno if that’s due to a reduction in antidepressants or acquired wisdom.


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