Psychiatrist appointment yesterday – positive, explained my reluctance to take quetiapine due to the weight gain and she said we can look at lamotrigine first if that’s what I’d prefer. I’ve identified that I have 2-3 week mood cycles and the pdoc is going to refer me for psychological support with the cmht rather than with my GP. This may take a couple of months but she said that while medication is definitely an option, the quality of my support network and self awareness should keep me relatively ok for a while. Asked her about my driving licence and she told me to get in touch with the DVLA directly, she’ll supply any evidence I need. This hopefully means I’ll be back on the roads at some point! Going to see her again in July.

Had a long chat with the guy I sort of started seeing a bit. He’s very damaged from an abusive relationship and I said I don’t really want his drama, though I do want him to be honest with me about whatever’s going on. I don’t really know what this all means and a ‘relationship’ is probably bad for both of us at this point. Got to remember to keep my wits about me and not let myself get suckered in, lest I get super fucked up. I have come a long way in some respects, I treat my own feelings with a lot more respect and am getting better at facing conflict rather than avoiding it. My natural instinct is still to keep everything harmonious and hunky dory but I’m getting more confident and open about stuff.

I’ve started a new job. I’ve got a sleepover shift tonight and one next week. I’m apprehensive about doing too many of these so we’ll see how I feel. My boss seems nice but makes things unnecessarily complicated. Hopefully it’ll be good here, I feel better for getting some work and am looking forward to having some extra cash!

I’ve been drinking pretty much since u finished placement on Friday. Got hammered on Friday night and ended up having a huge argument. Blacked out and not sure of details. Important lesson to definitely not break my 4 pint limit in an evening.

Mood currently ok, very happy to be on holiday and that placement’s over. The lack of routine has me somewhat out of sorts so I’m glad of some work to keep me focused. Trying to monitor whether I’m getting high or low, especially after last week was so horrific. I’ve been spending and drinking more but that might just be because I’m on holiday.


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