Every time I think I’m sure about my feelings I just want to throw them all back up. I’m bored and anxious but not in a bad mood. I’m obsessing and reflecting and chewing myself up in knots like a dog in a lead.

Calm down. Take a breather. Eat your stew. Watch another episode. Then maybe get a shower and go for a walk. It’s a beautiful day. Whatever has gone before has gone, whatever will be will be. Whatever mistakes you made, you pick yourself and carry on. Shit happens. What’s for you will not go by you. As I said last night, I am surrounded by people who love me and will tell me to stop being such a numpty.

Somewhere out there, whether I already know them or not, is someone who finds me weird and beautiful and funny and loves me. When the time is right the two (or three or more, it is the 21st century) will be very happy. They will look right, they will smell right and they will do right. I will see them and go ‘oh, it’s you’. 

Right now, I will just breathe and eat my stew. As B says, ‘Remember my love DO NOT STRESS!!!!!’


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